Monday, 16 February 2009


THERE is one thing that a remake like Friday the 13th means for producers and that’s money - lots of it.

Forget about decent characters, an intricate storyline and a new way to bring a cult classic to a new generation. These minute details seem unnecessary.

Instead, we have a lacklustre tale of a bunch of college kids who come across the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake while partying in a nearby wood cabin.

And before they can put their clothes on and sober up, you’ve guessed it, they have fallen victim to Jason Voorhees - a deranged WWE-lookalike with machete and hockey mask.

For those unfamiliar with the original - Jason Voorhees was a teenage boy who drowned in Camp Crystal Lake twenty-years previously.

This was because two sex-crazed camp workers couldn’t be bothered to look after him and, as you can imagine, his mother, unlike the workers, didn’t take the news lying down.

She decided to reek revenge on anyone who visited the site and in the process resurrected her dead son.

But don’t worry I haven’t spoiled anything because director Marcus Nispel didn’t want to tell you this anyway.

Instead, he just wants to show you Jason hacking up as many good-looking young people as possible in the most uninventive ways imaginable.

In fact, there are very few things to like about this film apart from a screaming woman burning in a sleeping bag and the end credits.

The script by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (of the excellent Freddy vs. Jason) has more holes than Jason’s inflicted knife wounds - with characters both wooden and stereotypical and a plot which is downright predictable.

I just hope that Hollywood learns its lesson and stops resurrecting these cult characters solely for profit purposes.

I somehow doubt it. With a remake of Nightmare On Elm Street in the pipeline, I somehow feel that this can only get worse. Much worse.

Unrated: Unworthy of a single star.

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