WILL WE EVER FIND LOVE LIKE THE MOVIES?

IF YOU’RE intending to spend this Valentine’s Day snuggled up on the sofa to the latest romantic comedy you may want to think again.

Researchers say watching romantic scenes like Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts cavorting in the aisle of a London book shop may actually have a serious impact on your own love life.

Researchers at Heriot-Way University in Edinburgh watched 40 of the country’s top-grossing rom-coms.

The aim - to discover if some of our pre-conceived views on love and relationships are built around popular culture, such as romantic films like Notting Hill, You’ve Got Mail and While You Were Sleeping.

Dr Bjarne Holmes, social psychologist who led the research, told the Echo: “I think there is a connection between movies and peoples views on relationships.”

Dr Holmes found that many couples in film have “qualities and bonds” which take years to develop and that trust and committed love exist from the moment they meet.

He says this uncovers an uncomfortable truth - that people maybe taking these ideas and implying them to their own relationships.

He added: “There is some re-occurring themes especially behind peoples’ beliefs about how relationships should function.

“Some of these include, ‘if your partner truly loves you, you should understand what they need in life without having to communicate it.’

“Another is people say love is pre-destined. Couples will say ‘well, we are either meant to be together or not’ and then give up too early.”

But surely people are not building their lives around the actions of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in You‘ve Got Mail?

“We don’t know how vulnerable certain personalities are to this information,” Dr Holmes added.

“But what is damaging is more people see relationships through the media than they do in everyday life. It’s how they define romance. It’s how they define cheating. It’s how they define forgiveness.”

Judith Stevenson, relationship counsellor for Relate in Leicestershire, who sees hundreds of couples stuck in difficult or loveless relationships, says there is some truth in the research.

She told me: “People expect relationships to be wonderful and fun and when they are not, they begin to think this relationship can’t be right for me.

“I think people just don’t know how to deal with things when they go wrong, because they don’t see that in films. They don’t see disagreement. Disagreement in films is always funny.”

Judith believes that the only relationship we learn from is our parents and that we may look to popular culture to get some of our answers.

She stressed: “The problem is we don’t see what goes on behind closed doors in relationships. We don’t see how people work things out and when they really go wrong.”

Whether we are heavily influenced by the romantic films we watch is debatable.

Surely the same opinion could be applied to the debate on if horror movies and real-life violence are related.

In the same way as people watching Friday 13th don’t have the urge to pick up a machete and a hockey mask, the same must be true for anyone watching You’ve Got Mail and hoping to find Meg Ryan through Facebook.

What do you think? Leave a comment below.